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Bad Days

This week has been one of the shittiest. And three weeks of insomnia do not help. At all. Asked for a medical certificate, cause i do too many crazy shit lately, and going to work was simply impossible. At least i have two weeks holiday now. Will spent the first time in Nature, reading, with the pets. Resting. Spirit and body. Need it way too badly.
Had lots of bad memories being thrown at my face the last weeks, my nerves finally broke, after a horrible night of "crazy Fab does crazy shit sometimes". Don't want to go there again, don't want to fall again. I fought too much to get out of it all...
So, the last two days were spent reading. It's a form of hiding, of fleeing. But not the worst thing, so...
My mom called yesterday, i have to go monday morning at 8h to the vet with the cat Shiva, who, horrible, lost one eye. Apparently she got something in her eye, another cat slapping her or a piece of wood or whatever, and the vet pushed on her eye (come on, vet, was it necessary?? I'm suspecting the vet is partly responsible for the loss of her eye...), and it just..."exploded". My mom received water on her face, i cannot imagine the pain our poor Shiva felt at that moment. So now she needs an operation, they will take her eye out, and we'll have a one-eyed cat. At least she can leave like that without problems, but still. Poor baby. She must be in terrible pain, the vet gave her 4 shots of stuff to kill the pain until monday.
And the same day at 4h in te morning, i have to drive my mom to the airport. A good thing for once i have insomnia..
I'll stay at my mom's house while she's on holiday, to take care of her pets (mine will be there too of course), and give extra care to Shiva. And my own Baby Shug will have to go to the vet too, as he is loosing weight so much, while eating. At least i know what he has, he was adopted with the cats sickness, but there is nothing to do, after 8-10 years the sickness starts to manifest itself, and no cure. I just hope he is in no pain, he doesn't seem to be, but..
Bah...great times..
I hope the wheel of craziness and bad shits will stop now. It will rain the whole holidays, just when i have a garden and the place for myself. Don't want to spend the two weeks inside. The Gods, could you do something about that, please?
Ok, i will try, once again, to write here.
I started this journal some years ago, but i have no idea why, i just can't seem to write here. And a funny thing: though i'm a french-speaking belgian, it's almost impossible for me to write in french here. but, the good side of it, it's a good exercise, there will be many language and gramatical mistakes here, but a good practice anyway. After all, i work mostly in english, i read a lot in english, most of the music i listen to is in english, the movies i watch are always in original version, of course english for the most, so...sometimes i wonder how come i don't dream in english!

Usual sunday here in Brussels, today spring apparently decided it was about time to show itself, april and may had been so freezing! This morning when i took Kira for a walk i had my winter jacket, but for once it was too warm outside for it. We might finally be able to put those away until next winter? Hope it very much.

Am reading "Scenting Hallowed Blood", the second book in the Grigori trilogy by Storm Constantine, and so far, i love it as much as the first one ("Stalking Tender Prey"). She writes beautifully, and the characters talk to me quite much. Especially three of them. Daniel Cranton and Owen Winter (in the first book i actually cried because of those two, because i will never have that, being in a female body and all...it hurts. But that's the way things are..) and Pev, also, but for different reasons. Pev seemed so sad, though supposed to not care about anyone or anything but himself, i sensed a great sadness in him, and by the end of the book it seems i was right about him. Maybe it's because so many "mean" people are often mean for a reason, for past wounds and all? Though i live with the "don't do to others what you wouldn't like be done to you" (in english it's probably not the way this phrase is said, but am too lazy to go check it right now), i sometimes feel love for the bitter ones (though its no excuse to hurt others). I'm disgressing here..
So, just to say that this book is great an touches me weirdly, but in a very good way of course. The author has an ability to take me far away with her, and she always makes me want to start practicing "seriously", instead of what i do: practice in my mind and in every day life, but never tried a ritual or anything, wouldn't know where to start either, or "how" to start. But i have many books about all that, i probably just should try, even if it's "blurry" at first. After all, the gods listen to the heart, i doubt they care much about the rest...

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Wolf Eyes
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